I have found that faith is easy when things are going well. It’s easy to have faith that God will provide when it seems like God is providing. The difficulty comes when we go through seasons where God seems to be distant and prayers are not answered like we expect.
I have been struggling with faith over the last year. Unemployment has taken a serious toll on my relationship with God. I cannot count the times I have been broken before God, seeking his will, asking for some clarity on this situation. Begging for answers to questions of why we (my family) are here, what I should be doing, and how can I provide for my family. It’s discouraging to continually seek after something and not get it…and not get answers.
This is where I have found myself over the last few days. Broken again…asking “why?”
Coming home from a meeting last night, I began to feel like I have been praying for the wrong things.
Could it be that this is exactly where he wants me? Not only this physical place, but also in this difficult place of unemployment? I prayed with my wife last night for the first time in over a year. I am trying to heal my relationship with God in the midst of this difficult time. My prayer is changing from, “God, help me to get a job and provide for my family”, to “God, please provide for my family as I am not able to do so”. For me, this is a huge change. I do not like to admit that things are out of my control. But they are…and I am beginning to think that this is what God needs me to understand. I should be relying on God throughout all seasons of life.
I know deep down that this is where God wants me to be. I cannot explain why I can’t find work. Instead, I am learning to rely on God – to have faith. I am trying to see how God wants to use me in the situation I am in, rather than trying to convince God to get me out of this situation.
Looking back over my life, it is so clear how God has been leading through it all. Why do I doubt it will be the same for this past year? I am looking forward to better days, when I can look back at this time and see how God has been working throughout. But in this difficult time, I am reminded of how Jesus called Peter to have faith and step out of the boat into the stormy water.
Matthew 14:27-29
Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.
As I wait for better days, I am becoming more and more determined to step out of this sinking boat and walk toward Jesus. I am praying that if I keep my eyes fixed on Him, He will allow me to walk on water – even with the storm all around.
Some lyrics from a song I recently wrote:
“I’ve seen the light and I know the way that I should go. But I need to BE, it’s not enough just to know…”
“Security is an illusion that I have fallen for – and I’ve spent too much time trying to get more” - Take me Back
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I just love you
Hi. I like the way you write. Will you post some more articles?
I will
Thanks for the encouragement!
I’m not sure now that Peter was ever supposed to step out of the boat in the first place.
It wasn’t Jesus’ idea for Peter to leave the boat. That was Peter’s own idea. Peter’s lack of faith came before he ever left the boat – “Jesus…if it REALLY IS you, then tell me to come.” There was his lack of faith from the beginning.
I actually think this goes back to your original point. Being in the boat battered by the waves all through the night is scary enough. Peter & the disciples’ faith should have been in the notion that Jesus could take care of them right where they were (in the boat…together). Your faith in Christ is such that he can take care of you in the given moment and situation…maybe not somewhere else (though perhaps). Peter was much better off in the community of a boat of disciples than stepping out on his individual own. We need to rely on one another and not seek to fix ourselves on our own. I know I suck at this.
Anyway…take this for what you will. I’m too just another faithless follower: “Lord, I believe…help my unbelief.”
Peace,
- J
Jeremy, thanks for the comments
I hope your ‘controversial’ sermon series is going well!